The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
