I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
