I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
