I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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