Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
