somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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