she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
