Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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