I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
