they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it because I queefed?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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