suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
