You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the day after is always just damage control
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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