Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
