I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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