a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
