Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
