What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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