she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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