I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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