Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
