if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
