I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
