U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I take back everything I said about communal showers
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
