Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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