im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
