you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
