Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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