you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
