Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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