I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
