My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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