First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
