My first STD was from a foam party
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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