I am spending my child support on dildos
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
