That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
