Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
