forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
