i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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