That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
