I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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