i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.