No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
