we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
