cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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