the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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