He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
