I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
