i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
