I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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