alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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