3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
