Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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