this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
