It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
