you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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