oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
