U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
