dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
