im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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