you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
