I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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