theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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