sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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