Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
